Another
terrible Persona formula retread with incredibly distracting visual
effects and word bubbles in 35 different fonts constantly popping up on
screen, a fairy sidekick infinitely more condescending and insufferable
than Navi, and dialog that all reads like a smug-shit Redditor arguing
with his sockpuppet accounts - nothing but snappy back-and-forth stuffed
with constant platitudes and cutesy turns of phrase and snarky quips and grandiose comic book villain speeches to firmly establish that you're reading the words of a straw man. That's because the assholes who wrote this trash earnestly believe performative moralizing with no real action makes them a good person, and anyone who says it doesn't is just another villain to be destroyed. Needless to say, self-fellating narcissistic shit like this gets
tiresome to read and listen to really fucking fast, and the fact that they have the gall to charge you $70 for the privilege is nothing short of insulting. Moreso because whenever they're not actively preaching at you, they're treating you like you're braindead - rather than
letting you intuit anything through subtext or even context, the game
shows you something, then a character explains it to you in simple
words, then another character (or two, or three) has to tell it to you
again five seconds later. Seriously every other scene goes exactly like
this:
Game shows the player a map
DIPSHIT FAIRY: This is a map! Boy it's a well made map! You know what a map is, right Main Character?
OTHER GUY: This map will show us to our destination!
YET ANOTHER GUY: Our destination is here! Click the location on the map to lead us there, Main Character!
This
is an M-rated video game, not Dora the Explorer. Actually I take that
back, I'd rather watch Dora the Explorer; at least the characters in
that talk like real people and not charismaless Beetlejuices.
All of this would already be enough to make Metaphor irredeemable, but then it goes out of its way to reach a flabbergasting new low and establish itself as one of the worst video games of all time. Less than an hour into the story, they drop a lovely plot point about the 'real' world in this universe being a paradise
comprised of "one united tribe" and the game world you play in is some kind of power fantasy/instruction manual that teaches people to pretend they're
righteous and empathetic. Yes, by getting you to stand up and smite all these evil, one-dimensional and completely fictional straw men (through violence, of course, because there is no other way), you too can sell yourself as a 'hero' to all those
naïve minorities/inferiors you secretly hate, and then exploit their trust for your own personal gain instead! So now Atlus is laundering Machiavellianism, social darwinism and white man's burden bullshit in the same way P5 was a
lovely coat of whitewash for the 8chan and Kiwi Farms culture
crusades. Hey, if you're gonna cater to the worst dregs of society in pursuit of easy sales, you might
as well dog-whistle to white supremacists, fascists and other miscellaneous eugenics
weirdos too, right? Did I also mention Metaphor conveniently released just in time for the 2024 election? Yeah...
good one Atlus and Sega, you unbelievably vile fucks. It's going to take an actual miracle to get me to ever buy one of your games again...
Screenshot removed because of spurious copyright claims
Developer: Atlus Studio Zero
Publisher: Sega
Released: 2024
Platforms: PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5, PC, XBox Series